Not yet a Lola

     I was spending a few days by myself in an obscure hotel in Tagaytay while waiting for my sister to pick me up for a chore that needed to be done. That not coming to light, I decided to check off the list of things that I could still do in that period of isolation. I managed to complete a scholarly task I was putting off from accomplishing for an unforgivingly, long time.  So as a reward, I decided to enjoy the cool, afternoon air while waiting for my take-out dinner.   

     While seated on the chair just outside my room, a cherubic little boy, MM, and his yaya (nanny) came up to me to say hello.  It would have been a wholly delightful interruption to my reverie except for an unexpected jolt when the yaya said, "Say hello to Lola!" 

     A thousand thought bubbles burst from my confused brain, "Was she referring to me? Is this woman calling me a grandmother? Do I look like one at all? In a panic, I fought off all the "yesses" that were pummeling my inner cool.

     When logic and reason eventually took over, I agreed that yes, she had every reason to see me as a Lola. First, I was of grandmother age. My own kids, aged 28 and 24 could easily have children of their own. Second, there were the undeniably grey hairs on my crown and third, my ever-expanding middle section could not be disguised by the "young" outfit I was wearing. My middle-age aura certainly could not be denied!

     And yet there was still a part of me who resisted the idea of entering that threshold, of leaving behind being addressed as "Tita" (Auntie) to go foward to being called "Lola"? Even if I may look it, I certainly did not feel it! Never mind the aches and pains, as I still felt young where it mattered!

     There were still a million of things that lay ahead of me and that didn't include helping take care of little ones pretty soon. How could I do that when there was this young child inside me who was still working on making her dreams come true? So work, I must, on those dreams! I am so running out of time and "Lolahood" might catch up and take over! Dalian mo!