Jandrea...so far

  If a disgrace from the past is buried with fragrant flowers, will it be forgiven?  Will their overpowering scent erase the stench of a hundred transgressions?  Never to eat away at the fibers of your conscience.  Never anymore to remind you that you once gravely sinned.  And never to rouse the ghost of memories that haunts even your waking hours!  Oh, I beg on my knees that a thousand blooms would rain on me now!

  I had two great loves.  One, my safe place  The other, my biggest adventure!  I had to choose one over the other And I am the better person But sometimes, sadder, for it!   

  It was where I sought refuge from the boundaries of my boxed-in world!  It was where I could examine my failures and disappointments before I released them into nothingness!  It was where my tears could flow in copious amounts but leave me smiling in the aftermath.  It was where I allowed my spirit to soar, even to sin, without fear of reprisal. It was where God always forgave me even if I thought I shouldn’t forgive myself!  It was where my soul was nourished, year after year, so I could be who I am!

  I recently found a line drawing that I probably did in 2004. At that  time, in the midst of many trying hours of work, I had to find an outlet for the stress and angst I was going through!   For years, the drawing lay dormant inside a sketchbook. After all, new chapters had opened and closed in my life! Much like yesteryear’s feelings that evoked the original image.  Today, I worked on it using watercolor paint & watercolor pencils - trying to put in all that I have learned using a new art medium. It no longer hurt putting the small and seemingly imperceptible images that belonged to this picture! Time does add a different perspective to how we do and see things! 

 

Eto na naman ako  Unti-unting gumigising ang ulirat Bago pa man imulat ang mga mata Nag-uunahang mga tanong ang bumabangon na Anong aking haharapin ngayon?  Paggunita ng mga planong nakabilanggo? Pagluluksa sa mga pangarap na sa bawat sandali ay naglalaho? O pag-alala sa mga minamahal na napakalayo? Mula sa aking munting piitan Nadampian ako ng hangin at nasilaw sa liwanag Natanaw ko ang mga kulay ng buhay Narinig ko ang hiyawan at tawanan ng mga nagdaraan  Naamoy ko ang kape mula sa kusina At halimuyak ng bulaklak sa may bintana!  Sisilip muli ang nahimlay na araw Pagkaraan ng mapang-aping dilim Buhay pa rin ako  Lumuluha, nagdurugo, nagdadalamhati! Humahalakhak, umiibig, umaawit! Ngunit higit sa lahat, nagtatanong, kumikilos,  at lumalaban!  Lahat ito, dala ng pag-asang dulot ng Poong Maykapal!  18 Agosto 2021

Poetry for that movie in my mind... It was not as if I didn’t love you, Or could love you How could I not? When you were someone I always was in awe of from afar Not because of how you looked Not because of what you stood for Not because of those who were in hope Of being with you But because I could hear your heart beat In your spontaneous acts of kindness In your unbridled passion for perfection In your child-like delight at small discoveries. And because I could see your soul In the way your eyes lit up when you sensed genius  Or at times they threw sparks at authors of injustice.  Or when they were rimmed with tears In the face of your own failures or someone else’s tragedy or deprivation. How could I not love you When you struggled to pull me out of a quagmire When it was you who brought me back to a place Where I could believe in Life again. How could I not love you back When you held on, waiting tirelessly When I could only give you my hand No certainty of loving you ba...

  You left me again Without saying why Was that your revenge For making you remember How you wounded me With your lies

From “Poems for Strangers”   Candles dripping slowly Ice melting away A leaf clinging to a dying tree Standing at the edge of a precipe Sunset fading into darkness Wilting flowers, cradled in hope-weary arms Gasping, desperately recalling, humming The last strains of a beloved song Oh, Light of the night From the brink of desolation, rescue me Oh, Breath of a new day Ignite the distant embers Lest I forget... Why and how much I love you.

It was where I sought refuge from the boundaries in my boxed-in world It was where I could examine my failures and disappointments before I released them into nothingness It was where my tears could flow in copious amounts but leave me smiling in the aftermath It was where I allowed my spirit to soar, even to sin, without fear of reprisal It was where God always forgave me even if I thought I should not forgive myself It was where my soul was nourished, year after year, so I could be who I am!  Covid-19 has stolen my haven! Tagaytay, please wait for me...

I did these 2 oil paintings when I was about 11 years old! Pretty amazing, my adult self would think right now! But way back then, I wasn’t impressed with my work because I thought I couldn’t faithfully reproduce the scenes I based my work on! Even from the perspective of a child, I thought they were childish! They were not realistic enough and I felt it wasn’t all my work! My painting teacher had put in finishing touches to make it more alive! So I thought I didn’t deserve the accolades I would get before!  After the summer group lessons ended, I think I stopped painting also. However, my teacher asked Mama if he could get me to model for a painting. I was excited about it but I don’t know exactly why this never materialized. Whatever the reason was might also be the reason why I gave up doing art. I never really realized that it was a loss for me since I could have been the subject of a painting done by Mr. Jaime de Guzman, a now a renowned artist whose works are housed in the Cu...

   Lately, I have been doing art using my chalk and soft pastel! It was not the first time I tried this as seen in the sketchbooks I unearthed from a box containing my art supplies and previous works. But since the pandemic has kept us in quarantine 24/7, I have discovered this passion once again. Inspired with photos I took in the past and those that catch my eye from many sources, I have managed to produce at least one piece every other week during the period that we have been confined inside our home!  At the very least, it has kept me both busy and entertained during moments that I find my daily routine intolerable! Every finished work is a testament to my small steps to think out of the box and to be no longer afraid of possible criticisms from others. When I share pictures on social media, the positive remarks I receive from friends boost my morale and fuels my confidence! But more than these, I am glad that I have been pointed towards this direction because my art ...

 I participated in a group show organized by the MAP or the Martinez Art Projects where I showed my wire jewelry and poetry. It opened in March 7, 2009 at the Lundayan Gallery on Kamuning Road.  Check out the pictures taken by our cousin, Eddie Boy Escudero, during the show's opening. http://ebeseyes.multiply.com/photos/album/145/Kamuning#

I like creating stuff. Latest in my attempts to produce crafty things is making unusual jewelry. Did some sketches on a notebook first then executed the designs using some wire that Ling gave me.   Here's a choker with multi-colored glass beads.   On the left is a pendant with synthetic black pearls which I named "MORTAL SINS" while on the right is a brooch with genuine black seed pearls. I still have to find a name for it.

  Once in a while, when I am in the midst of dark emotions, I find release in translating them into images. Here's one that spoke of a desolate, gut-wrenching November when I thought a dream had been lost!

            Mama had 2 birthdays. As young children, we always celebrated it on December 12. Then when she applied for a passport when I was about 10 years old, she had to secure a copy of her birth certificate. Lo and behold, on it her birthday was January 31, 1923! How that came to be, no one could explain. My Lola said that she was sure Mama was not born on the date written on that piece of paper. How can that be when all her other legal documents bore December 12, 1922 as her date of birth? But there was no one to ask about the circumstances of her birth registration. So everyone surmised that the clerk must have made a mistake of writing the date when her birth was registered as the date of birth. That would have put the issue at rest but no, my mother could not be comforted by that explanation. She just had to make sure that we didn't miss out celebrating the day she was born.          So, ...

Friday, March 13, 2009 Hayaan mo nang takpan ng mga ulap ang ngiti ko Bayaan na ang gabing madilim, maging kakampi ko Sa pagpigil ng pagsambit ng niloloob ng puso ko. Tunay na dahilan, aking kailangang ikubli Hindi pa ako handa na ipagtapat ... na ako'y bungi!

03/26/2009 10:55 am Ihabi sa iyong mga pakpak Awiting likha sa pangungulila At ihatid nang buong ingat Sa kanya na di maibig nang malaya