Jandrea...so far

Today, on All Souls Day 2020, thinking of our loved ones who have gone on ahead of us!  We remember with much love the days you spent with us. And trying not to miss too much the laughter and smiles we shared. May you peacefully rest in the bosom of the Almighty! May you pray for us as we continue to tread dangerous waters with our flimsy minds and bodies! Go placidly into the gentle night ...

Thanks to my sister, Ling, for the very beautiful bouquet of flowers.  Love you, sis!   I think I was born a mother.  You're right, I didn't say I was born to BE a mother but was BORN a mother. Let me explain. I'm the eldest of 3 children. In the Philippines, there's a long list of duties in the job decription for eldest children. In summary, an "Ate" or "Kuya" is tasked and expected to be another parent to their younger siblings. While this position entails serious responsibility, it also grants some power and privilege to a child merely by way of his birth position. So even  as a child, being constantly reminded by the elders, I took my role pretty seriously.  As far as I can remember, my parents willingly shared adult duties with me, expecting me not only to help with the kids but also with household management even at a young age. My siblings didn't seem to have any problem following my lead. I didn't mind mothering them because they r...

Feb 9, '08 10:04 PM UP Diliman Academic Oval      Most days, after rushing through the preparations for the day ahead, I take a 20-minute ride to an oasis. When I am met by this canopy of trees, it seems like breaking through an invisible barrier and being transported into a different world. It is as if a magic air envelops me and a promise of respite from the polluted jungle I have come from immediately follows.       Yes, these Acacia trees have been all these for me for many years. But they took on a new light about 2 years ago when during one ride with Papa (probably his last to the campus), he proudly proclaimed that he was one of those who planted those trees on that lane. He said that when they first moved to the new Diliman campus from the Manila campus around 1948, that space was devoid of those beautiful trees. They were asked to plant the seedlings then that would be 60 years later, these monuments to the pioneers of Diliman...

June 16, 2009    Do not be fooled By the facade of strength and Zen calmness Inside me dwells A well of grief For things that couldn't be And for someone I will never again see. Rain is pouring, steady, strong Then it stops, only to come back again And again...and again Challenging my child-like faith That the sun would light her way Home. But no, the sky is in mourning too Shedding the tears That I do not care to show Slowly washing away Regrets and resentments Till they be no more The garden she loved is green The leaves glisten The flowers are in bloom They have been watered By memories of one who loved us Above all. I am at peace. For Mama (December 12, 1922 - June 11, 2009)

 11/02/2007 02:59 pm   Our words immortalized in Ling's work in granite. We remember our dead today. We look back at the last days but we try to forget all that which caused us doubt, confusion, and pain. We recall how we smiled at the foibles of old age. The scent of tears, we smell when we glimpse once again the last attempts at living. We forget. We weep. We forgive. And we love forever.

12/14/2006 02:43 pm It would be the easy way out. Especially if one had the right reasons for just staying in bed after you wake up. If you wish to highlight your day by refusing to face the world with its ambiguities and trials, how comforting it would be to wallow in the pillows and sheets instead of your despair. How absolutely safe it would be to navigate life in your four-walled world. Your challenges relegated to deciding which scented bodywash will miraculously fix your day (aromatherapy, you know) and what video will transport you into a world devoid of pain. The glimmer of desolation is so faint yet it holds so much promise.I could give in, you know. It could release me from all those who depend on me. If I put my life on hold, will they do the same with theirs? But why, when I don't hold the the pulse of their lives in my hand? Or do I? I am tired and want to embrace rest. But to do so would be to consort with the enemy. I cannot let this darkness cons...