Jandrea...so far

As a child and through my teens, I literally made up movies in my mind! In the movie, I would be the protagonist and I would have a handsome love interest who was cruel because he was clueless about how much I was suffering because he loved someone else! I would come up with lines that I would constantly revise until I came up with the most clever repartees and most memorable lines! The stories would  be sad in the beginning but usually ended happily. But not always! The tragic endings I concocted had me actually but secretly shedding tears and feeling sorry for myself! Now, during this period of uncertainties with too much time to think, I find myself creating stories again! But unlike in my youth, they are not purely from my imagination. The movies have scenes  straight from events in my life that I would have wanted to forget but cannot.  The settings are in familiar, everyday places but with a significance known only to me. The  dialogue is lifted from unrehear...

First, it started with a longing to have a place of refuge, away from noise and mess of my city life. Maybe a room in someone's house in Tagaytay I could rent or borrow whenever I needed to be by myself. Just a small one with just enough space for a bed and a table to hold my books and laptop. But that room had to have a breathtaking view! One that would inspire me to think, dream, and write. That's when I thought that space had to be high up on a tree. And then of course, there were the basic necessities for which I would need a kitchen and a bathroom. So the small room had to have siblings of similar size. Yes, that would still fit into my tree house, I thought! Then, it ocurred to me that my 50+ knees and legs would have to negotiate a ladder to get up to the rooms on a tree. Imagining my struggle to get to the top, I started giving up on my treehouse. Until.... ta... rah... I saw this photograph! Yes, yes, yes!  It fitted all the specs of this ever-hopeful, ever-drea...

Tree in the Academic Oval For the last 17 years, I've been having a affair... with teaching... at UP. Being a teacher at UP has always made me feel like I'm in a forbidden romance. Many days, I  feel giddy just being here but for an equal amount of days, I feel unworthy to be part of such an illustrious institution.  As an undergraduate student,  I was in awe of my professors. There they were, up in the star-decked sky and I could only marvel at their brilliance from my place among the riffraff of the academic world. Although I grew up helping my teacher mother with her preparations for class,  entering the academe was never part of my plan on how to conquer the world. I admit, once in a while, I did imagine myself in front of the classroom but never actually believed I could do it in real life. It was like having a secret crush on that gentle-looking hunk in the library but knowing it would remain just that because he was someone else's boyfriend. And even i...

Story #1: Nancy Drew   I was addicted to the Nancy Drew stories when I was in Grade school. It was my obsession to read all of the books in this collection. Not being able to afford to buy them, I would just wait for my aunt to give them to me as pasalubong from  the US or I would borrow them from my 2nd cousin, Gelene, who had, it seemed to me then, all the titles listed in the back of every volume.       Not only did I want to read every Nancy Drew adventure ever published, I also wanted to read them as fast as I could every time I got hold of one. So that when I was in the middle of one and it was lights out time,  I would continue reading under the kulambo using a flashlight.      DId I get to read all of the Nancy Drew books? Nah, adolescence got in the way. I was introduced to other reading fare. And they became my next obsession. (See Story #3) Story #2: "Ghost Story"      My aunt who used t...

Badjao Restaurant, Palawan FMM convent, Tagaytay      Anything worth having has to be pursued through many roads, many of them bumpy. A few of them may provide interesting sights along the way. Sometimes, one thinks, the journey is just as, if not more important, than the destination. A good friend of mine said, "Victory is in the struggle and not in reaching the goal. Failure is when I don't struggle anymore."  Wise words coming from someone in a very difficult journey of fighting for his life. Moon Garden, Tagaytay      Many times, we trudge along wearily, not realizing all that we gain by our tenacity. We move forward, little by little, each step a little cause for celebration. Each accomplishment strengthens our spirit, increases our resolve to reach our goal.      The end is not always in sight. Sometimes, we think it is impossible to reach it. At times, it seems not worth all the effort we put into ach...

Piano Recital at Ensemble Hall, SJC Saturday, October 29, 2005 I must have been 10 or 11 when I nurtured visions of myself playing on a stage of a large concert hall. But that dream was not to be. After studying piano for maybe 14 years, I realized the only audience I would end up impressing with my playing would be... no one. Not even myself! Today, those thoughts were confirmed while struggling with a piano piece that I have studying. After a few years, I still can't get it right. Drat and a double drat! Anything "artistic" that only some can aspire to do, I have at least learned how to do at some point in my life. I can play the piano, guitar, and marimba. I sang with a choir for some years, even earning a chance to be soloist at least once. I have acted in and even directed plays, performing in many corners of the country. I even used to paint a little and when inspiration moves me, still try to draw. Dance lessons were part of my summer repertoi...

July 26, 2010 Today, I pretended that I was a rich but lonely heiress. That I had everything that money could buy but yet I was all alone in this world. Hahaha! Only because when I was swimming in the infinity pool of the gym, I had it all to myself. It was also as if I owned everything I could see from the all-glass wall of the penthouse where the pool was. Hay! Masarap managinip paminsan-minsan.

 01/30/2009 02:55 pm Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise', I wash my mouth out with chocolate." "The advantage of exercising every day is so when you die, they'll say, 'Well, she looks good doesn't she." Ayan, ayan... kitang-kita ang dahilan kung bakit kailangang kong bumalik sa pageexercise! (Pansinin nyo na di ko sinabing kailangan na akong mag-diet!) Bakit nga ba kung kailan ko natuklasan ang kasarapan ng iba't-ibang klase ng pagkain ay tsaka naman bumagal na ang aking metabolism. Para bang ilang minuto lang pagkatapos kong kumain ng 2 French macaroons ay nasa baywang ko na ang ebidensiya! Kaya ang wardrobe, kailangan nang palitan dahil sa nagsisikipang pantalon at iba pa! Pero iniisip ko mga. Dapat ba akong mabahala, for aesthetic reasons, sa aking paglapad at pagbigat? Bakit pa e sa aking edad, dapat what you see is what you get! Anyway, I have...

09/29/2007 04:09 pm              View from "Oh My Gulay" The cold mist enveloping the distance. Miles, heights and depths away. I can see them but cannot reach them without falling. Do I fly to them? Do I close my eyes until the mist lifts , then plot my way up to the heavens? But I do not relish an arduous climb! So do I just stay by the window entranced by the unreachable , unquenchable beauty of my dreams?

09/26/2007 04:16 pm   The light is what keeps me going In the darkness of this soul, there is that elusive glimmer. Someday, no longer just the view but...There.