Jandrea...so far

  It was all wrong Even from the start You were so different From my dream of who  Would steal my heart A strong, deep voice Who would sing for me Reassuring arms that would Ward off threats to my fragility  A quiet, comforting presence Constantly by my side Yet smart-ass, wise-cracking,  Crazy sexy, at  my secret bidding But I got it all wrong, all these you were not! I misread your aura, I misheard your songs Maybe because you came into my life When tears were blurring my vision  And my ears could not catch the  decibels of lies I was never right for you as well With someone else’s knots I could not untangle During your sparse hours of need, I could only linger Struggling to bear the weight of our vowed forevers Digging deep into the fading years  Uncovering wounds that refuse healing Tightly-wound memories unravel Questions haunt me yet again How could truly loving each other then Ever be judged by the world as wrong? 

Poetry for that movie in my mind... It was not as if I didn’t love you, Or could love you How could I not? When you were someone I always was in awe of from afar Not because of how you looked Not because of what you stood for Not because of those who were in hope Of being with you But because I could hear your heart beat In your spontaneous acts of kindness In your unbridled passion for perfection In your child-like delight at small discoveries. And because I could see your soul In the way your eyes lit up when you sensed genius  Or at times they threw sparks at authors of injustice.  Or when they were rimmed with tears In the face of your own failures or someone else’s tragedy or deprivation. How could I not love you When you struggled to pull me out of a quagmire When it was you who brought me back to a place Where I could believe in Life again. How could I not love you back When you held on, waiting tirelessly When I could only give you my hand No certainty of loving you back No pro

  You left me again Without saying why Was that your revenge For making you remember How you wounded me With your lies

Poetry from my heart. For a stranger out there. For someone in the realm of my imagination.    https://drive.google.com/file/d/16XyWNhsnDhUmyulJWI34RXr_Eid88Pq5/view?usp=drivesdk I don’t want Bold displays of affection I am content with looks across the room That speak of wanting to be with me I am not impressed With loud declarations of love I am turned on more With whispers in my ear Asking if you can secretly hold my hand. I don’t much care For boisterous laughter at my jokes Quiet smiles that say You understand my poetry Warm my heart even more. I just want to be held by you Like the breaking of day Quietly, softly, truthfully No hesitation, no pretense. I just want to be loved by you Like the twilight greeting the night Constantly, faithfully, deeply Mine, always, in every way. Tagaytay, December 2020                                                                                                       

If I could, I would  Collect my tears Shed over all those years Over you Infuse them with the fumes of my crushed spirit Adding the bloody nectar from my broken heart. I would put  them all in a beautiful bottle Adorned with elegantly scripted lies  Only your deceitful eyes can  decipher  That even fierce rays from the sun  Could not penetrate and betray The salty bitterness of this toxic brew. Surreptitiously delivered to you No sender, No return address  Labeled only as “Pain, yours and mine”  Penned by the hand That you first nervously held  On the way to my heart Would you open the bottle,  Curious about its cryptic contents Recklessly trying a drop  To discover what Despair tastes like?  Would you savor a drop of Betrayal       followed by another and another?  Until you know exactly who from among those Whose  hearts and spirits you crushed Would distill such a vengeful potion?  I can see your hands trembling  From the uncertainty of unlocking All the years of Silence simmering t