LUHA, HIKBI, HAGULHOL, atbp

Found this in an old blog which I no longer use. It was written in 2005


It seems I have this affliction of shedding tears at the slightest heart-tugging stimulus. It can get pretty embarassing! Sappy movies... Funerals of people I barely know... ICUs ... talking-about-me music and poetry... Moments of pure love.

I have mastered the art of averting or even hiding my tears. Nangingilid ang luha?Simple, you just cough a little, blow your nose, and say I'm coming down with a cold!

How about those which stream down your face? Wiping the sweat off, ano pa?

Now stifling sobs is a little harder but can still be disguised. I've been known to explain that as hiccups, what else?

But what happens when without rational cause, in your place of work which has paper-thin walls and with a slew of people coming and going, you have an overwhelming need to cry your heart out (hagulhol)? What do you do or where do you go?

A dear, dear person figured it out for me. Just when I was getting ready to walk in the campus in the semi-darkness in my bid for privacy, his car came up the driveway of our building. He asked me to get in because he said the perfect place would be his car and that we would drive around while I was doing my thing! Oooh, being energy-conscious, I figured I would have have to finish the good cry in 3 minutes so I wouldn't feel guilty about wasting all that gas. But having just a 3-minute cry would be like containing a tsunami with a tabo. So, while it was certainly creative and gallant of him to think of this, I just settled for the nearest parking lot. People in the office near our spot probably thought there was an LQ going on. Well, there was! With a person who was miles and a thousand lifetimes away from there (Or so I thought!).

Another fix for crying junkies is to join a Psychodrama workshop. This is 3 days of blissful crying, if that's your trip! You are licensed to cry for someone else, if not for yourself. Those who don't cry are the strange ones. Catharsis never found a most perfect home! Palahaw never felt so good!

Today, serendipitously, I discovered another way of hiding the tears. If the waterworks are ready to flow, jump into a pool. This morning, my tears became one with the water.I sought solace once again in the coolness and calm that cradled me like a long-lost friend. Just like 5 years ago. The twinge in my breast was not miraculously washed away as it is still with me. It however reminded me what the water once told me "This too shall pass if you let things be."