Jandrea...so far

Last night, on our bed, I took off the rollers in my hair before I went to sleep. Too sleepy to put them away, I woke up with them beside my pillow. As I picked them up, I espied grey hair remaining in their little spines. And just because seemingly insignificant things like that take on meaning for me, I asked myself why the heck would someone like me who has almost a headful of grey hair bother about primping myself! And at this time of a pandemic, particularly! When we are confined to our homes 24/7 anyway! Life should go on! Not as they used to be but even more! We need a push towards living better than before! While we have learned to discard non-essentials like frivolous clothes and nake-up, I think we should keep in mind what they were originally intended for. To make us look good and attractive to others? Maybe so!  But for me, it is more about feeling good about ourselves! Sans make-up and all external trappings, that is the essence that we should preserve and use to ...

It’s funny but more sad that I spent most of yesterday crying over someone that I really liked back in college. It wasn’t one of those unrequited loves where the person knew about my feelings but couldn’t reciprocate them. It was more of a restless feeling that befuddled my brain and created stirrings in my heart for while. It was a you’re-always-in-my thoughts and can’t-wait-to-see-and-talk-to-you state of mind. It was what a 19-year-old would label as a serious crush that could have future possibilities!  It was a quiet secret, not to be shared with anyone. It was just being happily content in his company and reveling in the care and thoughtfulness that he showed to everyone (not just me!). It was a I-think-he-likes-me-too-but-maybe-he’s-with-someone-else hopelessness! That scenario would define the last of my college and teen years.  So when I had to leave for reasons beyond my control, I chose to just keep that feeling inside of me. I believed that there was a chance to se...

   Lately, I have been doing art using my chalk and soft pastel! It was not the first time I tried this as seen in the sketchbooks I unearthed from a box containing my art supplies and previous works. But since the pandemic has kept us in quarantine 24/7, I have discovered this passion once again. Inspired with photos I took in the past and those that catch my eye from many sources, I have managed to produce at least one piece every other week during the period that we have been confined inside our home!  At the very least, it has kept me both busy and entertained during moments that I find my daily routine intolerable! Every finished work is a testament to my small steps to think out of the box and to be no longer afraid of possible criticisms from others. When I share pictures on social media, the positive remarks I receive from friends boost my morale and fuels my confidence! But more than these, I am glad that I have been pointed towards this direction because my art ...

I had forgotten just how beautiful the Golden Shower tree was in front of our home when it is in full bloom! Since the quarantine period, I had just always seen it from inside the house and missed how it was in its entirety! I guess that’s how we also sometimes fail to see how we are from the point of view of other people. We either see only our good side and ignore our faults that adversely affect other people’s lives ! Or maybe just as sad, we only see our weaknesses and limitations but are blind to the good in us that other people see as light in these dark times!

It is such a difficult time! There are days that tears just fall without reason. But I get up because both sacred and profane routine calls me to do so! But it is really faith in God that sustains me. That all these shall come to pass... in His perfect appointed time!

I must have been 10 or 11 when I nurtured visions of myself playing on a stage of a large concert hall. But that dream was not to be. After studying piano for maybe 14 years, I realized the only audience I would end up impressing with my playing would be... no one. Not even myself! Today, those thoughts were confirmed while struggling with a piano piece that I have studying. After a few years, I still can't get it right. Drat and a double drat! Anything "artistic" that only some can aspire to do, I have at least learned how to do at some point in my life. I can play the piano, guitar, and marimba. I sang with a choir for some years, even earning a chance to be soloist at least once. I have acted in and even directed plays, performing in many corners of the country. I even used to paint a little and when inspiration moves me, still try to draw. Dance lessons were part of my summer repertoire. I've even written poems and articles which had received some recognit...

I am teaching my heart not to feel  As it is the only way I can survive.  The tears will eventually run dry,  I know.  Like so many years ago  When I stopped loving you.  But this time It will be different.  I will continue loving you,  But apart from you.  No longer thinking of you Every single day. No longer holding on To dreams of being with you But images of you will be hard to erase So they will remain Forever etched In my body, heart and soul!