Dying unto myself
Holy Week 2014 meditation
For almost 30 years, I have spent Holy Week serving either as a Lector or a Commentator. In the last few years in our paish, I have been assigned to be the coordinator for the Easter Vigil mass. All these tasks I have taken to heart and have accepted all the challenges accomanying these responsibilities as a Lenten sacrifice for the Lord.
So after the doctor told me that I had to have a procedure done to fix my gallbladder, I even bargained for a postponement. I asked whether I could have it after Holy Week. The doctor said I was in a serious state and he could not guarantee that my Holy Week would be pain-free!
And so, reluctantly I agreed to have my procedure done over the Holy days. Holy Thursday and Good Fridays were spent recuperating at home and by Black Saturday, my foggy brain managed to remind me that the Easter Vigil was going on and it happened without me! My children who attended with their Yaya reported that in general, it went well!
My realization from this was that even when you think you are irreplaceable and indispensable, you are NOT! There will be always someone who can do it in your lace, even better perhaps. But with that instant realization, a question came to my mind. Why and when did I ever think I was indispensable? Maybe because I was led to believe this by people close to me.
I was a mother long before I was actually a mother. By virtue of my being the eldest child, I shared in domestic duties at my home ranging from taking care of my younger siblings and helping out in the kitchen. It was an accepted fact in Filipino families but what was not written in the job description was that I also had to manage my parents’ emotional skirmishes even as a child, and as I got older, I also had to be mainly responsible for keeping things together in our household.
Don’t get me wrong but the domestic tasks I accepted willingly except for the refereeing-my-parents's-fights part! These parenting skills prepared me for the mother roles I would readily assume even outside of our home - with friends, work colleagues, and co-workers in church. I was their “ Mother of Perpetual Help. Being a mother to my own children did not turn out to be such a daunting and alien task as it seemed like I had a lot of practice in facing challenges. Many times, I even managed to see the challenges as blessings!
And I guess this is what this incapacitation taught me - that everything that happens to you prepares you and those in your life for whatever comes into your future. You can only just move forward, create new things, and battle on. Yes, even with one body organ gone! Hehe!
For almost 30 years, I have spent Holy Week serving either as a Lector or a Commentator. In the last few years in our paish, I have been assigned to be the coordinator for the Easter Vigil mass. All these tasks I have taken to heart and have accepted all the challenges accomanying these responsibilities as a Lenten sacrifice for the Lord.
So after the doctor told me that I had to have a procedure done to fix my gallbladder, I even bargained for a postponement. I asked whether I could have it after Holy Week. The doctor said I was in a serious state and he could not guarantee that my Holy Week would be pain-free!
And so, reluctantly I agreed to have my procedure done over the Holy days. Holy Thursday and Good Fridays were spent recuperating at home and by Black Saturday, my foggy brain managed to remind me that the Easter Vigil was going on and it happened without me! My children who attended with their Yaya reported that in general, it went well!
My realization from this was that even when you think you are irreplaceable and indispensable, you are NOT! There will be always someone who can do it in your lace, even better perhaps. But with that instant realization, a question came to my mind. Why and when did I ever think I was indispensable? Maybe because I was led to believe this by people close to me.
I was a mother long before I was actually a mother. By virtue of my being the eldest child, I shared in domestic duties at my home ranging from taking care of my younger siblings and helping out in the kitchen. It was an accepted fact in Filipino families but what was not written in the job description was that I also had to manage my parents’ emotional skirmishes even as a child, and as I got older, I also had to be mainly responsible for keeping things together in our household.
Don’t get me wrong but the domestic tasks I accepted willingly except for the refereeing-my-parents's-fights part! These parenting skills prepared me for the mother roles I would readily assume even outside of our home - with friends, work colleagues, and co-workers in church. I was their “ Mother of Perpetual Help. Being a mother to my own children did not turn out to be such a daunting and alien task as it seemed like I had a lot of practice in facing challenges. Many times, I even managed to see the challenges as blessings!
And I guess this is what this incapacitation taught me - that everything that happens to you prepares you and those in your life for whatever comes into your future. You can only just move forward, create new things, and battle on. Yes, even with one body organ gone! Hehe!
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